10 things you should never say to your teenage daughter

Connecting with your teenage daughter may be a bit tricky. With the right tone, one phrase can completely uplift her or completely shut her off. It is evident that each parent wants the best for their children, but at times, parents can get stuck in words that will definitely ruin their angry daughter’s mood.

If you have these kinds of worries, then let us calm you down with this guide. Things you should never say to your teenage daughter is aimed at making this interaction more peaceful and smooth between the two sides.

Why does what parents say matter more than ever?

The 21st century is filled with an array of social media platforms, many of which have negative impacts on women. Influencers and content creators post unrealistic lifestyles, which often leads to bullying and toxic self-esteem issues filled with critique.

More often than not, it is believed that technology overshadows human words and actions. But your words and actions matter a lot, and in some cases even outdo technology. Words have the power to either give comfort or cause a lot of pain, especially for her. With all the negativity that surrounds her, you must help her understand that she is whole.

Every single comment requires utmost care and complete attention. Attention to detail may alter every remark made. Underestimating words or making a comparison to someone else can hurt a lot deeper than expected. With kindness, compassion, and sheer goodness, she always feels secure and confident.

10 things you should never say to your teenage daughter (and Why)

Now, let’s talk about some phrases that can make communication difficult. For every phrase, you will learn why it can be harmful and a sweeter alternative to it.

“Because I said so.”

This denies her an opportunity for meaningful conversation. Your daughter may think that her input and concerns do not count. It can make her feel powerless and ignored, which leads to frustration and silence. Later, she’ll withdraw from sharing questions or feelings.

Move forward with saying, “I get that you’re curious about this. Let me elaborate.” This approach proves that her voice matters and that she is willing to talk through things. This also enhances her problem-solving abilities.

“Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”

No matter how well-intended, comparisons should never be made. Your daughter can suffer great internal distress if you paint a picture of someone for her, even when the intent is kind. It causes her to feel as though her deficiencies are magnified and another person’s strengths are worth celebrating. Consequently, she may lose trust in her identity and believe she must seek approval from you.

In this instance, it would be more useful to shift the focus onto her positive qualities. For instance, “I admire the way you handled that.” Such statements cultivate a feeling and perception of appreciation without competition or trying to outdo one another.

“You don’t need privacy online.”

Privately monitoring online activity may sound reasonable, but to your daughter, it could feel like a breach of trust. While her safety is your responsibility, basic boundaries, if not respected, will push her into silence. Alongside, the denial of basic space tends to develop feelings of support.

A better phrase to set expectations is, “I want you to be safe online. How do we make some rules together?” This fosters trust while still allowing you to play a role in guiding her protective parameters.

“You’re not going out looking like that.”

The phrasing and context of the sentences might give an answer to why tweens and new teenagers, especially girls, struggle with self-esteem. Instead of aiding, such phrases tend to increase doubt.

Ask questions such as, “What made you pick that outfit? Does it feel good to wear?” A reserve of expression while interfacing with self-presentation allows her to reconsider what she wants.

“You’ll never understand until you’re older.”

This particular statement neglects her current emotions, dismissing everything simply because of age. It does not make her feel valued and makes her silent. Over time, she might not express herself around you.

Instead, try saying, “I remember feeling just like that at your age. Let’s talk about it.” This acknowledges her feelings and has the potential to bridge gaps. It makes her feel like you are actually attentive and that her opinion matters; not only in the future, but at the exact moment also.

“What will people think?”

This teaches your daughter to become a people pleaser and not focus on being herself. When you say that, your daughter may start to overthink her decisions and worry about being judged, particularly when she needs confidence.

A better approach would be: “How do you think your decision makes you feel?” This helps her shape her personal value system and trust her judgment. This shows her that you prioritise her internal compass and not external forces.

“You’re going to end up a failure if…”

All these attempts to scare your daughter to get her to do things can push her away. She can feel anxious, lose motivation, or even fear trying anything new. She starts thinking that a single blunder can dictate her entire life, and that is a big burden to bear.

This could be replaced by “I believe in you, and I will be here to help if you want any.” With this, motivation is provided through kindness instead of fear.

“That’s not how a lady behaves.”

This can make her feel suffocated and put in an uncomfortable box, along with being out of touch with modern social norms. Moreover, it can make her reluctant to speak up, be bold, or act in ways that other people might not consider “proper”. It can also confuse her about what she is supposed to do.

So, try saying, “I want you to always be yourself and treat others nicely.” This gives her the freedom to truly grow instead of being forced into a role she was taught to play. Respect, rather than rigid roles, fosters a healthy self-concept.

“You always mess things up.”

This kind of statement can do long-term damage. It sticks and then becomes a self-imposed identity every time she makes a mistake. Eventually, she could conclude that she isn’t capable of anything worthwhile or that there is no point in trying at all.

Instead, say, “Mistakes happen and that’s okay. Let’s learn to fix it together.” As a parent, this approach allows you to face things when circumstances aren’t ideal. You learn them to foster accountability without attaching shame. Apart from this, it will teach them the value of challenges.

“You’re too sensitive.”

To say she’s “too sensitive” does a number on the way she processes her emotions. It makes her believe something is wrong with her feelings. Over time, this may worsen her emotional health by making her hide her feelings or feel ashamed of expressing them.

A better response is, “It’s okay to feel deeply. I am here if you want to talk.” This helps her feel safe and teaches her that vulnerability is not a weakness. When guided with care, sensitivity can be a strength.

What should parents say more to their children?

As a parent, the words you use and how you express them can affect your child’s confidence and mental health. Here are ten powerful phrases that can help you connect with your teenage daughter, along with reasons why they are important.

“I’m proud of you.”

This helps her confidence, makes her feel appreciated, and shows that you acknowledge her efforts, not just the results.

“I believe in you.”

Those words are powerful, especially when she is struggling with self-doubt.

“It’s okay to make mistakes.”

This helps change her understanding of failure as something only shameful. Doing this builds resilience.

“I’m listening.”

When you say it, she feels safe to talk, knowing you won’t judge her. Judgment-free listening builds trust.

“It’s okay to make mistakes.”

Take responsibility if you did something wrong. Apologising is an important step to take in the learning stage of life. Moreover, mistakes also teach a person how to apologise.

“How do you feel about it?”

A question like this acknowledges her opinion and helps deepen her understanding of her own feelings.

“You don’t have to be perfect.”

Overwhelmed by expectations, teens pressure themselves to meet numerous goals. Relieving that pressure by reminding her that she is enough is important.

“I love you no matter what.”

This becomes even more critical when she is struggling with something. Telling this fosters a sense of security.

“Let’s figure it out together.”

Providing help while allowing her to guide reminds the child that she is not alone and strengthens her confidence.

Recognising effort through appreciation makes the child feel valued. In her mind, she feels good knowing that you notice everything she does.

The more often you express these sentiments, the closer your bond will be. Your daughter, by these words, knows that she has support, safety, and love.

How to talk to a teenager who doesn’t want to talk?

When your teenage daughter shuts down or avoids conversation, it becomes challenging. However, do not lose hope; you can solve it by gently unlocking the doors of communication.

• Avoid being pushy: Instead, be patient, let them breathe. If she does not feel like talking, just give her space. Let her know you care and are there for her. She’s got a lot of things going on in her mind, and sometimes, silence is how she sorts it out.

• Choose the appropriate timing: Timing is crucial. Do not have serious conversations with her when she is tired or frustrated. But, focus on casual moments. These include car rides or doing household chores together. These moments tend to be more relaxed.

• Establish a space with no evaluations: Give her a safe space where she won’t be judged or punished. These are the safest as they make her open up more. Listen patiently and do not immediately try to offer suggestions.

• Use the correct phrasing: Ask meaningful, open-ended questions that encourage dialogue. Use phrases such as “How did your day go?” and “What is one thing bothering you these days?” These help express detailed answers and increase conversational length.

• Stay consistent and engaged: Do not stop checking in, even if she does not respond frequently. Continue to show up as this reinforces the idea that she can truly depend on you. These actions demonstrate that she really matters and, in time, help her trust you even more.

How can you repair communication if you’ve already said something hurtful?

We tend to make mistakes and say hurtful things intentionally or unintentionally. If you have said something hurtful to your teenage daughter, don’t worry, there is still hope.

• Apologise sincerely: Without giving any excuses, say, “I’m sorry for what I said. It wasn’t fair or kind.” That simple acknowledgement makes a big difference. Avoid blaming her or trying to justify your actions.

• Take responsibility: Yes, your words, whether intended or not, may hurt someone’s feelings. You need to be fully responsible for owning your words. Taking responsibility helps her feel respected and understood.

• If she feels overwhelmed, let her be: Sometimes people may not be ready to forgive or talk, and that is perfectly fine. Allow her to feel her feelings and be patient. Pressuring her too soon can make things worse.

• Open honest dialogue: When she’s ready, invite her to share how your words affected her and invite her to speak carefully. While she is speaking, do not interrupt; listen with intent. Let her know her feelings are important and that you care enough to want to understand.

• Leading with actions: Trust takes time to rebuild. Make sure to be gentler and more considerate in your words and how you communicate. Your actions will resonate more than your words ever could.

Always remember, when trying to fix communication, it is more about restoring the bond and not just the connection. With patience blended with some honesty, you can establish a more trusting relationship with your daughter.

How can parents bond with their teenage daughter?

Establishing a bond with your teenage daughter is quite tricky, as it will take some effort from your side. However, dedicating time to her is worth every moment. Detailed below are some effective methods aimed at bringing you two closer together.

• Quality time goes a long way: Figure out activities you can do together, like cooking, going for a stroll or even binge watching a favourite series. These activities boost your bonds as a family and transform into easy and natural conversations.

• Show real interest in what she does: Inquire about her hobbies, shows and even her friends. The moment you learn to listen unbiassed, your daughter ends up being valued. Regardless of whether getting her interests is difficult, trying to comprehend goes a long way.

• Respect boundaries, but remain active in her life: As a teenager, they need some space. Therefore, you can utilise a parental control app like the FlashGet Kids app to monitor safety online while still preserving privacy. With this app, you can monitor your kids in real-time as well, and you can control their screen time. This is respecting her trust and keeping her safe at the same time.

When you spend time with her, genuinely care about her interests, you ensure that your daughter feels safe and loved. This contributes to a healthy relationship between the parents and the teenager.

Final thought

Your words, in one way or another, change how your daughter views the world. If you follow our advice under ‘things you should never say to your teenage daughter’ and provide proper emotional attention, trust will blossom alongside confidence. She will be able to develop a wholesome, gentle, and respectful attitude. Keep in mind that the way you relate to your daughter now will determine the way she will relate to things years later.

FAQs