An abusive childhood can leave lasting emotional scars. But with the right support and healing, it is possible to find a path to recovery. Children often live under the influence of their parents, who shape their understanding of right and wrong. This dependency can make it difficult for them to recognize when they are being mistreated. Because it’s so difficult to recognize verbal abuse, especially from someone you’ve grown up with. If you’re facing the same situation, you’re in the right place. In this article, we will guide you through verbal abuse from parents, including the signs, how to deal with them, and more. So keep learning and make your life easier!
What is verbal abuse from parents?
“This is a type of abuse where parents use abusive, harsh, and hurtful words towards children.”
Although verbal abuse lacks physical injuries, it has an impact that can be as strong as to affect the life of a child. Some examples of this type of behavior include; cursing, shouting, unfriendly criticism, mockery, and other negative language meant to make the child feel worthless or afraid.
Another thing is that verbal abuse can take different forms such as irony or passive-aggressive comments. You know, it may affect mental health and relationships when kids get older. While it’s important for children to receive support and love, some parents may not fully understand the harm their words can cause, leading to unintentional yet damaging behaviors.
What are the side effects of parental verbal abuse?
The side effects of parental verbal abuse have a lot of health effects not only on a child’s psychological status but also his emotional well-being as well as physical state. Below are some common side effects:
- Lessened confidence: The constant disapproving remarks can lower one’s morale rendering him/her feeling inadequate.
- Anxiety: A tense environment characterized by regular use of abusive language can lead a kid to get chronic anxiety disorder which keeps them on edge constantly.
- Depression: Hopelessness, despair, and sadness can make children clinically depressed.
- Trust issues: In case primary caregivers keep on verbally abusing their kids, they cannot easily trust other people hence leading to poor friendship ties.
- Academic problems: A child may not be able to concentrate enough on studies or even lack motivation, which is due to stress and emotional strains caused by verbal maltreatment.
- Social isolation: Shame, fear, and low self-esteem can make a child isolated from his/her peers.
- Long-term health problems: Verbal abuse can have serious mental health effects, which may also manifest physically, such as in eating disorders like anorexia. These issues can lead to severe health problems if not addressed.
Signs of verbal abuse from parents
There is no easy way to determine if your parent has been verbally abusing you since most such cases happen under zero witnesses.
These are some signs that can imply verbal abuse from parents
Frequent criticism: You may have noticed that the parent criticizes the child constantly without being constructive about it. Yes! It is a form of verbal abuse.
Name-calling and insulting: Parents use vulgar language, insults, or condescending words toward their children, which makes them feel less valuable or useless, which is definitely a category of verbal abuse.
Shouting and screaming: Parents tend to shout louder in anger, usually yelling as they want their child to be scared or submissive while raising their voice that is viewed as impolite and embarrassing.
Discredit: Some parents may unintentionally make their children feel undervalued through sarcastic comments or dismissive statements, not realizing the long-term effects of such behavior.
Threats: Parents’ threats against children serve two purposes. Either they want to control them by making sure they stop doing something bad or promise them something good will happen later.
Blame: Some parents make children feel responsible for things they have no control over, e.g., by blaming them for problems, failures, or issues that are not in their hands.
Humiliation: In private or in public, the parent humiliates the child, making him/her feel embarrassed or ashamed like in family gatherings, informant of their friends, etc.
Ignoring Feelings: It has also been seen that some parents just value what they feel is right/wrong for them; the feelings of kids don’t matter, which means that they don’t try to acknowledge their emotions.
Isolation: A parent can isolate kids from friends and activities and keep them dependent and submissive by verbal manipulation. Alas, this behavior can ruin a child’s whole life because he/she will never be able to be self-sufficient.
Comparing constantly: Nobody likes to be compared with someone better than them. This gives rise to feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, and frustration as the parent compares the child to others, often unfavorably.
Example of verbal abuse from parents
Although parents’ love for their children is unmatchable, all parents don’t behave the same with their children. In real life, many examples have been seen where parents treat their children so abusively to the extent that you cannot even say they are their biological ones.
Beyond calling names or insults, parents’ verbal abuse may escalate to something more than just mere bullying.
The following are some of these kinds of examples in which parents use veiled or subtle forms of verbal abuse.
Negating accomplishments: Some parents diminish the triumphs of their children knowingly or unknowingly. For example, they may say, “You got an A grade? So what? All of the other kids do it. ‘This is nothing; anyone could’ve done that. You need to do better.”
Ignoring Hobbies: Some parents don’t value their kids’ hobbies. For example, “Why are you wasting time on a useless hobby?” “You will never be successful at that, so why even bother trying?”
Killing Confidence: Loose confidence can cut the success of children in half. For example, parents can say “Think you have what it takes? Don’t lie to yourself.” “You’re not smart enough for that field.”
Emotional Blackmailing: This is the key point worth discussing, parents burdenize their kids by blackmailing them emotionally. For instance, by saying, “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me.” “You’re the reason I’m so stressed out.”
Perpetual Doubtfulness: Doubt and fears are the beetles for success. Parents can destroy their kids’ futures by making them feel feared and doubtful all the time. These parents often keep saying, “I don’t believe in your ability to handle this; you’ll just blow it up.” “Maybe you think you can, but I seriously doubt it.”
Setting Unrealistic Goals: Unrealistic expectations always lead to hopelessness. Usually, parents expect too much from their kids without knowing their potential extent. And they used to say sentences like, “If you don’t score straight A’s, then forget about life!” “If it doesn’t work out, then you did not try hard enough.”
Shaming: “How can be so lazy, have some shame?” “I cannot believe we share DNA. You’re a disgrace.” these sentences parently use commonly, ultimately becoming the cause of the ruination of their children’s future.
Such occurrences are a manifestation of how language can harm; it can badly affect somebody’s self-regard, certainty and overall healthiness.
What to do about verbally abusive parents?
It is quite difficult to handle verbally abusive parents. But here are things children can do to protect yourself and get help:
- Recognize the abuse: Realize first that the verbal abuse is not your fault. Next time try avoiding situations where abuse will end up being yelled at you.
- Set boundaries: When possible, establish limits with your guardians. You can inform them that they cannot say certain things or act in particular ways. For example, “I don’t like being called names. Talk to me respectfully.”
- Look for assistance: Don’t ever suffer alone during such times. Find someone you trust among your friends, relatives, or teachers who will support you emotionally and give advice where needed. Talking about what’s going on with someone else might make you feel less isolated and provide relief.
- Develop coping skills: When people become used to coping mechanisms (the ways that they deal with difficult circumstances), they often find new approaches in dealing with their problems apart from responding emotionally to verbal insults directed towards them. One such strategy could be practicing mindfulness or writing down one’s emotions about themselves, anything that makes them feel good.
- Take care of yourself: Pay attention to your mental and physical health. This includes enough sleep, healthy eating habits, exercise, and engaging in activities that bring happiness and relieve stress.
- What to do tomorrow: If the situation feels impossible, start considering future steps that can help you build independence, such as focusing on education or planning for a time when you can live independently. However, seeking help and support in the present is equally important.
- Professional consultation: A therapist or counselor may assist you in making sense of everything and developing appropriate ways to cope with your feelings. They also help formulate more effective strategies against abuse.
- Determining when to say goodbye: If verbal abuse keeps on increasing or makes you feel insecure in your life, it might be best to step back from the situation for some time or permanently. Your safety is very important.
Remember always that you deserve love and respect. Seeking help is a powerful step toward protecting your well-being and finding the support you need.
How to report a verbally abusive parent?
What follows are steps on how one can report verbally abusive parents:
- Contact Child Protective Services (CPS): Notify your local CPS office or its equivalent when reporting child abuse.
- Use Help Lines: Phone child abuse helplines as they will guide through various options available for you.
- Record the Abuse: Make notes showing when, where, and why it was said. Try to talk about how it made the child feel.
These can be of help when making reports. And children have a right to security and dignity.
How to help verbally abusive parents change?
In many cases, attempting to get an abusive parent to change might seem impossible, but with patience and the right approach, it is probable. Therefore, we shall discuss some interventions that can help alter abusive parents into non-abusive ones.
- Open channels of communication: Start by sharing with them how their words affect you. Say, “I feel hurt when you call me names,” rather than sounding accusing. Hope they will understand what their words mean.
- Self-reflection: Ask them to think about their actions and consequences for a while. Sometimes, people cause harm without being fully conscious of it. Make them picture themselves in your shoes.
- Healthy communication: Suggest ways to have more peaceful discussions, such as taking breaks during highly emotional moments or understanding how to actively listen.
- Therapy recommendations: You may want to advise your parents to see a professional such as a therapist or an anger management course. A therapist will help establish why they behave this way and teach better emotional expression methods.
- Limit the conversation: Politely but firmly draw limits on the talk and behavior that you cannot tolerate. This will encourage positive changes in their lives.
- Modeling good behavior: Speak softly instead of yelling, for example, while showing compassion and empathy. This is one way of teaching your parent how to communicate effectively.
- Refer them to resources: Books, articles and even online sources on verbal abuse are today available. It could be beneficial for someone who is going through this problem as they lead towards self-realization and self-confidence.
- Patience & supportiveness: Change takes time and, therefore, you must celebrate any small improvements made by the parent together with reminding them that they can seek help.
Children should never feel responsible for changing their parents’ abusive behavior. It is the parent’s duty to recognize and address their own harmful actions.
How should parental controls help a verbally abusive parent?
Parental controls are often employed as a way of limiting what children can do online. But they can also be useful in curbing verbal abuse by parents.
- Awareness and Monitoring: There are apps like FlashGet Kids which enable parents to monitor their children’s internet activities. The behaviors will assist the parent comprehend emotional conditions affecting their child. For instance, if a mother realizes that her son is searching for words related to emotions or abuse, it may be an eye-opener that she should begin reflecting on herself and seek assistance.
“FlashGet Kids is a parental control app that you can use to sync your phone to another person’s device to watch their screen activities 24/7.”
It is not limited here; you can track live location, check notifications, or limit content on the next person’s phone through this.
- Creating space for positive engagement: FlashGet Kids allows parents to fix screen time and monitor a child’s time on specified activities. This opens up possibilities for more encouraging face-to-face, positive interactions.
- Encouraging consistency and structure: It is common knowledge that parental control fosters consistency, hence creating an environment where an abusive parent can comfortably operate without offending anybody.
To sum up, tools like FlashGet Kids are more than just parental controls for regulating internet usage. They allow kids to maintain healthy media consumption habits, thus concentrating on life engagements that abusive dads usually ignore. Lastly, this builds better relations between offspring and progenitors.
