No matter which class or region a kid belongs to, they always ask the question “why parents are so strict”? If you are one of such kids looking to find out why there are so many unreasonable boundaries and how you can make your parents understand your point of view, you are at the right blog!
What is a strict parenting style?
“Strict parents set rules without explaining the reason behind them and expect their kids to follow them or face the punishment.“
Strict parenting is also known by the name “Authoritarian parenting.” In this method, the parents don’t listen to their kids, even talking back can get the kids some punishment.
Here are some of the characteristics which you can see in Authoritarian parents;
- Don’t trust their kids.
- Abuse and hit their kids.
- Don’t support their kid’s hobbies and dreams.
- Focus their kids on studying or activities parents like.
- Have tons of outdated rules and are not flexible.
- Don’t hug, talk, play, or spend time with them in any way.
- Make every decision for their kids including their life career, marriage, etc.
- Don’t appreciate their kids, and only criticize them, which stops nurturing kids.
What happens when your parents are too strict?
When the parents are too strict and don’t even listen to their kids, the following problems will arise;
- Don’t enjoy their childhood
- Always in depression or anxiety
- Have severe anger issues outside the home
- Kids start hating their parents at one point in life
- Don’t work hard for their aims and have no dreams
- Kids have low self-esteem, confidence, and social skills
- Kids stop sharing their problems because they know their parents will blame them
- As their decisions were always made by parents kids don’t have any decisions of their own mind
- Are more prone to suicide
Why my parents are so strict?
There are many problems in our modern society that force parents to be strict, such as;
- First of all, the modern age we are living in has the highest population in history, so the ratio of bad people is also high, like critisizers, kidnappers, perverts, molesters, rapists, murderers, addicts, thieves, etc.
- The internet and tech make it so easy to find anybody’s data without physically approaching anybody. So, predators have the upper hand in finding victims.
- In the old days, there were no mobiles or screens, so kids got out and grew up with nature and real people. But in this age, games and social media have made everyone addicted, which affects their social skills, poor mental and physical health, study focus, etc.
- It’s a fact that every other site these days is showing adult content or pornography content, which can ruin a child’s innocence at an early age.
The above-mentioned factors are the problems which force a parent had to make some strict rules. And It’s okay because every kid needs some boundaries. But the problem is when parents become too strict as they don’t listen and abuse/hit their kids.
The reasons for such authoritarian behavior are
Psychological instability: Not everybody is calm and understanding and parents reflect on what they have experienced as a child’s themself. So, if your grandparents were strict, then your parents would also be for you. Moreover, some kids grow up to be bad and when they become parents, they are the worst ones.
Narcissist or Perfectisim: Some parents who have done great in life, also want their kids to reach the highest posts. So, they choose their life career and set rules for study, playtime, friends, screen time, food, and every other little stuff.
Cultural influences: Asian cultures have outdated rules like females need to cover their faces, love-marriage is prohibited, hitting a kid is normal, parents must have control over the household, a career besides doctor/engineer/government job is useless, and so on.
Socio-economic status: In today’s world, there are many classes of people based on the money they have. The higher you get the chain, the stricter the rules get for kids to not make friends with poor people and study hard to fulfil their expectations. At the lower end of the chain, parents face anxiety and depression due to their hand-to-mouth salary, which is then reflected on the kids in the form of rules, abuse, and punishment.
How to tell your parents, they are too strict?
The point here is that you depend on your parents for daily needs, so you can’t have a direct fight with them. In other words, it’s their home, so you have to live according to their rules. But it doesn’t mean that everything will stay like this forever; you can change your parents with time, and to do that, first you need to change yourself. You must have heard about the famous quote;
“Beggars can’t be choosers.”
So, you first need to stop whining, crying, hitting, slamming doors, raising your voice, etc., because it makes you look immature. Then, you need to work on these habits;
- Muster up your courage and start loving yourself.
- You need to be responsible, like studying hard and getting good grades, starting to help your parents at home, leaving bad company, and so on.
- You can also learn how to earn because, in this modern age, even a 5-year-old can start earning from home.
Finally, once your parents realize you have become independent and responsible, you can chat with them. But make sure you don’t force them like they did; you have to meet at the middle ground. You can sit with them and let them understand;
- Why are some rules too strict and ask the reason why they impose such rules
- Tell your perspective on why they should have those rules
- Ask them to have some trust in you
It is good practice to get everything in writing so it looks official. It is important to note that they will initially reject you, but you should keep trying again from time to time until you reach a solution.
Finally, it must be noted that if your parents are abusive or they hit you ( while you’re drunk or in anger ), then you must tell family, friends, or even authorities.
Do strict parents have better kids?
Well, if it’s only strict parenting, then no, the kids will be way worse in many aspects like low confidence, poor decision skills, people-pleasing personality, mediocre career, anxiety, anger issues, etc.
However, it doesn’t mean that parents give a free hand because in that way kids will be even worse. For example, they will have no respect for others, drug addiction, a criminal mind, bullies, no career, etc.
Should parents be friendly or strict?
“Good parenting is a combination of strictness in boundaries and understanding like a friend.”
Why can’t be both? Friends have boundaries, but they are also understanding and flexible. Being a friendly parent can help kids develop self-esteem, love, confidence, decision-making skills, inner motivation for a career, etc.
The most important thing when raising a kid, which most strict parents neglect, is time; parents must spend hours daily with their kids talking, playing games, studying, cooking, or anything they like. In this way, kids start trusting their parents and discuss their problems, which gets them out of anxiety and depression. The world is already hard enough, so parents don’t have to be.
But while being friendly, parents must ensure they are clear on boundaries, and kids realize there are strict consequences if they break those. That being said, parents must teach kids why there are such boundaries because reason is always bigger than blind rules.
Is parental control a good method for friendly parents?
Being a friendly parent also has its disadvantages. For example, kids don’t listen much, ask for uncontrolled freedom, and always use parents’ trust and flexibility in the wrong way. So, if you are a friendly parent, don’t be naive-you must keep a proper watch on your kid’s activities, and you can do that with parental control apps such as FlashGet Kids.
This app can help parents monitor their kids’ locations whenever they are out of the home. Moreover, the screen time limit feature helps set mobile usage time and prevent kids from becoming addictive.
To monitor kids, parents can use the screen mirror feature ( mirror kids’ phone screens on theirs worldwide ) and microphone & camera access ( to watch the surroundings ). Finally, parents can also block harmful apps with the app blocker feature of FlashGet Kids.
What are the negative effects of strict parenting?
Go be a strict parent if you want to be, but know that your kid will hate you one day and leave you at your old age. On top of that, they will probably live a life full of depression, low self-esteem, and always struggling to provide for themselves – they will never be happy.
Advice for strict parents
Kids don’t ask you to bring them into this world, and they have done nothing wrong. So stop criticizing and tangling them in your boundaries. Parents must love their kids unconditionally, no matter what they choose in life, as long as it doesn’t hurt someone else. Parents are right about setting rules, but not every rule is right.
First, you need to explain why these rules are necessary, then listen to their perspective and change your rules a bit. Always appreciate your kid’s achievements, no matter how small, and always be a source of love when they are down.
