What causes low self esteem: Signs and solutions for parents

Low self esteem is a negative psychological condition in which a person feels quite low in self-confidence, and thoughts of being worthless are persistent in this condition. People going through this stage often feel difficulty in social interactions and relationships. They also tend to perform very poorly in their academic routines and job-related duties. It is a common situation in society that affects both children and adults.

According to a 2025 research published by the American Psychological Association (APA), low self esteem negatively affects the mental health of children, teens, and adults by increasing the factors that lead to depression. If a person is going through this phase, it becomes crucial to take timely corrective measures before the affected person enters more serious stages leading to depression and trauma. This article will help you understand and identify low self esteem symptoms, their reasons, and practical tips for parents to keep their children safe from this condition.

What is low self esteem?

Low self esteem is a negative mental condition in which a person evaluates themselves very low about oneself. This condition makes a person feel that he or she is good for nothing and has no value to others or to society. A person usually feels very low in confidence because of feeling worthless. These negative psychological implications, if they remain persistent, can further deteriorate a person’s thought processes, leading him or her to anxiety or stress.

People often confuse low self esteem and insecurity. While the two conditions may overlap in some respects, they are distinct. The sense of insecurity is related to particular situations or people. For example, a person may feel insecure in a new school or a new job. The feeling of insecurity may also arise from the situations regarding how other people treat you. But low self esteem is a broader term. It gives you an overall feeling of being low in giving respect to oneself in almost every situation of his or her life.
Self-esteem plays a very important role in a person’s mental health and well-being. This includes academic and job performances. They also have a feeling of self-withdrawal from society and a sense of failure in forming or maintaining personal relationships.

On the other hand, a balanced self esteem enables you to cope with positive and negative situations in a better way. People with good self-esteem also tend to handle stress and anxiety in a better way and recover much earlier from such negative situations. Good self-esteem also enables you to form healthier relationships and perform better in your academic and professional lives.

Recognizing the signs and characteristics of low self-esteem

So, you have an idea of low self esteem. But how do you recognize if you or your loved one is going through this phase? Let’s explore some of the common reasons why people go through low self esteem issues:

Identifying common characteristics of low self-esteem

There are some common behaviours and thought patterns that may lead to low self esteem. Let’s explore some of those behaviours and thinking tendencies below:

• Exaggerated self-criticism: People who criticize themselves a lot are more prone to experiencing low self esteem. They highlight their own weaknesses and think that these weaknesses are especially present in their personalities, which hinder them from gaining self-confidence.
• Excessive history of failures: If some people experience excessive failures in their lives, they may think that failures are only meant for them. Such thoughts lead them to prepare for failures beforehand.
• Negative self-talk: Some people tend to have regular self-talk that is full of negativity about their own personalities. They keep on thinking that whatever they do turns out to be bad and unacceptable.
  Taking compliments as sarcasm: Negative thinking also turns positive things upside down. People who are going through low self esteem usually take compliments as sarcasm.
• Fear of rejection: Another factor that plays an important role in making a person feel low self esteem is the fear of being rejected in life. Such persons can think that they cannot cope well with their colleagues or peers.
• Excessive comparison with others: People experiencing low self esteem usually compare themselves with other people a lot. Moreover, they somehow find ways to feel inferior to others even if they have better personalities and are living a far better life.
• Social media syndrome: Social media has also become a key platform for others to have low self esteem. As people on social media only post good things about themselves, other viewers start thinking that they are more deprived than others.

Subtle indicators and “which is not a sign of low self-esteem?”

There are some subtle traits in a person that don’t necessarily mean that a person has low self esteem. These indicators may falsely point towards a person’s low self confidence, but in fact, they may be quite the opposite. Let’s discuss some of these factors and indicators below:

• Being too humble: If a person is being humble towards others, it doesn’t mean that he or she has low self esteem. It may be their principle to talk politely with others and give respect to all.
• Over-apologizing: Being over-apologetic is also not a sign of having low self esteem. It may be a part of their personality to apologize to others in most situations. Frequently saying “sorry” or “excuse me” to others is a sign of good manners, not low self esteem.
• Being an introvert: Being less talkative, less expressive, and keeping most emotions inside is also perfectly fine with some people. They are usually doing such things by choice. A person can be an introvert and still have high self esteem.
• Being over-tolerant: Some people gradually develop the trait of being over resilient. Such persons prefer not to react even if they are being treated unfairly. Neutral observers may think of such persons as having low self esteem, but in reality, they usually do it by choice.

Manifestations across different demographics

Low self esteem is not limited to a certain age group, gender, or demography. It can be present in anyone, regardless of age or location. But there can be certain factors that are more likely to contribute to low self esteem at certain stages of life. Let’s discuss them briefly below:

• Children: Children constantly go through physical and mental development stages. They may find reluctance to adapt to new practices. They may hesitate to try new things and meet new people. They may also face anxiety during their studies. A fear of being left out and staying behind their peers may also haunt them. They may also find it difficult to accept criticism from their parents and teachers. These are the few factors that may push children closer towards feeling low on self esteem.
• Teenagers: Teenagers are going through an altogether different stage of their lives. They are usually more concerned about their appearances and ambitions. They may find it depressing if their appearance doesn’t look as good as they expect. They are experiencing greater social pressure and engaging in more aggressive social comparisons. They are also usually in a constant effort to secure validation and acceptance through their online interactions. If any of such factors go wrong, they may feel low on self esteem.
• Adults: Most adults are constantly worried about looking like someone else. They have ideals in their lives that they may want to emulate as much as possible. Those ideal personalities may be defined by physical appearance or professional success. They have to work hard to establish themselves and make themselves self-sufficient. Factors like career stagnation, unhealthy relationships, and repetitive failures in trying new things may contribute more towards their feelings of having low self esteem.

What causes low self esteem?

We discussed some of the factors that may contribute to a person’s feelings of low self-esteem. But what actually hurts self esteem in broader perspectives? Let’s find below:

Childhood experiences

Childhood leaves deep, long-lasting memories in almost everyone. That’s why the experiences related to a person’s childhood have far-reaching effects. How parents and siblings treat a person and parenting styles during childhood play key roles in determining the level of self esteem a child will have in the future.

Social and environmental factors

A society where people live and interact with others has natural impacts on their personalities. A person’s level of self esteem depends on the positive or negative experiences within that society or environment. People naturally develop expectations of others in a closed social circle. If those expectations are not met as planned, they might have negative effects and reduce self-confidence.  

Personal experiences

Personal experiences, irrespective of the society, peers, or profession, also play an important role in determining the self esteem of a person. If a person has a history of negative experiences, it may affect their self-confidence, which often leads to stress and anxiety. Traumatic events, severe loss, health issues, and failed relationships can have long-term effects on a person’s mind and subconscious. Hence, he or she may slowly start experiencing low self esteem.  

How low self esteem affects daily life

Self esteem has very high stakes in a person’s daily life. It is directly linked to a person’s performance in personal and professional spheres. Low self esteem has very high negative effects in studies, careers, and relationships.

A 2023 study published by the Scientific Reports journal concluded that people with high self esteem were less likely to experience anxiety and depression.

Let’s briefly outline the possible impacts of low self esteem in broader areas of a person’s life:

• Relationships: Individuals with low self esteem usually don’t perform well to maintain a relationship. That’s because they may also seek a sense of validation from their partners and they may always worry about the possibilities being abandoned.
• Academics: Low self esteem doesn’t even allow a person to focus on studies. They may constantly worry if they are underperforming in their exams. They may also worry about losing marks even after doing their hard work. Some people with low self esteem also find studies less interesting.
• Professional life: People with low self esteem are more likely to underperform in their duties despite being fully capable of doing so. They become shy and avoid taking leadership roles. Some people may often work so hard that they experience burnout, further reducing self esteem. The low confidence also doesn’t allow them to speak up at times when it’s necessary in their professions.

Practical ways to improve low self esteem

We have already discussed enough reasons for having low self esteem. Now comes the treatment and recovery part.  Let’s find below how you can improve low self esteem:

Cognitive behavioural techniques

There’s always a treatment to cure and get rid of negative thoughts. One of such techniques is called cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). In this therapy, individuals try to identify the underlying cause of low self esteem. The next step is to challenge those negative thoughts and get rid of them. This therapy also encourages individuals to replace self-criticism with positive self-talk and balanced self-evaluation.

Building healthy relationships

Relationships play a pivotal role in shaping a person’s self esteem. Try to have a partner who is supportive and encourages you in all situations. It will increase your confidence manifold. Such developments boost self esteem, and they gradually come out of this negative phase. If you know that someone in the world has full confidence in your abilities, you would most likely perform better in your overall life.

Setting realistic goals

Try setting some realistic goals that you are most confident about achieving successfully. This will also give you a lot of confidence when you achieve them. Meeting your target increases your self-worth and confidence. Practical goal setting and subsequently achieving them would gradually improve your self esteem.

How parents can help children with low self esteem

Parents are the most important figures for a child. Their way of treatment shapes their personalities. Children often take compliments from their parents for granted. So, if a child is going through low self esteem, parents can play a pivotal role to increase their confidence. Let’s discuss how you can do it:

Encouraging open communication

Always encourage open communication with your kids. Parents must allow their kids to discuss their feelings and emotions with them. You should give them open chances to discuss their positive and negative experiences. Your children must not be afraid of discussing their failures or mistakes with you so that you can guide them properly.

Providing emotional support and independence

Parents should always encourage their children’s efforts, even if they have failed to achieve certain tasks. This consistent emotional support and praise for their efforts rather than outcomes will boost their self esteem. You should also give them a certain level of independence according to their age, so that they realize your trust in their abilities and activities.

Utilizing parental control tools

You must have a clear idea of what’s going on in your children’s lives. You must be fully aware of their activities, especially their online routine and interactions. Only then will they be able to act according to their situations. You can easily do it with the help of a parental control app like FlashGet Kids. This app helps you monitor your children’s online activities in detail. You can easily check what content your kids are watching on their phones so that you can take immediate actions to prevent your kids from going through low self esteem by experiencing the negativities of their digital environment.

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Final thoughts

Low self esteem is a widespread phenomenon found in kids, teens, and adults. Many factors may contribute to its severity, but you must understand the underlying reasons for experiencing such a negative phase of life. While it may take weeks or months to improve self esteem, it is crucial that you take the right steps to cure it before it spreads further to stress or anxiety.

Today’s online culture poses a serious risk to kids and teens to experience low self esteem easily. That’s why parents must have a keen eye on their kids’ online activities to help them maintain and improve their self esteem. Taking help from parental supervision apps like FlashGet Kids is highly recommended to be fully aware of your kids’ online interactions and act immediately to keep them safe from losing self esteem from the side effects of widespread online culture.