Child rearing is a complex and lifelong process. It involves making many decisions and assuming numerous responsibilities that will affect the child. Most parents have only good intentions when raising their children, however, all parenting practices are not healthy or constructive. Some behaviors go further and become vicious that is what is referred to as mental or emotional abuse. While this form of abuse may be difficult to notice when it is occurring, it is just as bad as physical abuse. It is, therefore, important to know signs of mental abuse from parents. In the following article, I will explain what comprises mental abuse from parents, how it is different from other types of abuse, and how to recognize the signs you might be experiencing, as well as what you can do if you are.
What is mental abuse from parents?
Emotional abuse from parents is a frequent kind of abuse. It aims at a child’s personality and can be expressed in a variety of forms.
While one kind of domestic violence – physical – leaves deep cuts and bruises on the skin, mental abuse is clandestine in a way, it does not show marks to anyone but the affected child. It can range from using words that cause harm to one’s emotions, threatening or using such phrases as ‘I will always be with you’ and not offering any encouragement or comfort.
Probably, mental abuse is better characterized with more emphasis on the sudden behavioral changes. In due course, this may have a powerful effect on the child’s psychological development and cause them lifelong psychological and emotional problems.
However, the abusive parent might not even know that they are abusive, often giving reasonable explanation that they are only correcting the child. Still, the consequences turn out to be long-term devastating and would affect a child’s life ability as well as interpersonal relationships.
What are other forms of abuse?
Mental abuse is a significant concern. But, it is essential to differentiate it from other forms of abuse that children may face:
Physical abuse
This means applying physical force on a child to the extent of causing pain or suffering deliberately. Examples range from spanking, caning, using the belt, and any action whereby a child ends up with some form of bruises, cuts, or discomfort.
Neglect
Abandonment is defined as the lack of adequate care from a parent or other custodian or even the total rejection of the child or young one.
Sexual abuse
This entails any action that involves an actual sexual touch or any other sexually abusive action that occurs between an adult and a child. This is a form of child abuse, not only of the body but their trust and safety, and results in extreme psychological harm.
Verbal abuse
This form of abuse encompasses a situation whereby the parent speaks ill of the child or gives them a raw deal through mean words.
Psychological abuse
Similar to mental abuse, psychological abuse also encompasses actions that seek to alter the self-esteem of the child by manipulating reality. So, this could make the child develop fear.
Signs of mental abuse from parents
It is extremely important to be able to identify the symptoms of mental abuse that parents can impart to their children, for this is usually a subtle form of abuse. Some of the most common signs include:
1. Constant criticism
Such parents can constantly degrade their children or embarrass them for one reason or the other. This can involve creating negative focuses on the child such as comments about their looks, intelligence, skills, or value.
2. Emotional manipulation
Authoritative parents can punish their children using threats, guilt, or shaming. This might involve making the child feel he or she is responsible for the parent’s feelings or availabilities, thus fabricating situations that would make the child feel incompetent or guilty.
3. Lack of affection
Some abusive parents are aggressive towards their children which puts them in a situation where they allow their children to feel the pain of their actions. Similarly, others deny the children’s love and ignore them whenever the child is in emotional distress.
4. Public humiliation
Often, physically abusive parents use public places as punishment grounds. These parents think that by humiliating the child in front of other people, they can reestablish their power over the child.
5. Blame and scapegoating
An emotionally abusive parent might attribute everything that exists as a calamity to the child. And they treat them as the source of their issues. This makes the child develop a helpless feeling and a profound feeling of guilt even when they have done nothing wrong.
What do emotionally abusive parents often say?
It’s worth pointing out that emotionally abusive parents tend to use certain words that remain imprinted on the child’s mind. Here are some common examples:
- You’re worthless.
- Why can’t you be more like your sibling?
- Mom keeps asking me when she can’t understand why I can’t act a certain way or do a certain thing.
- You are to be blamed for my high-stress level.
- I don’t think there will be any person on this earth who will love you in the way I love you.
Such phrases are not only upsetting in the present—they cultivate seeds of self-doubt and low self-esteem that may turn into serious psychological disorders in the future. When children receive such comments, they are likely to harbor them and develop low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
What are the mental effects of parental abuse?
Psychological distress, in turn, stems from the fact that parental abuse affects the child’s mental well-being both directly and in the longer term. This may help in understanding how severe the situation is, and how much one should seek help.
Short-term effects:
- Anxiety and depression. When children are exposed to mental abuse, they overstay the state of stress and hence develop symptoms of anxiety and depression. They may appear to be nervous and/or fearful, and may even be overtly sad.
- Low self-esteem. Being criticized and demeaned by parents daily can reduce the morale of a child tremendously. They might begin to accept what people say about them as the bitter truth and will therefore have poor esteem in themselves.
- Difficulty in school. This is because mental abuse affects the child’s concentration and hence the ability to learn, therefore is likely to perform poorly in his or her studies. The pressure and the depression consume the energy required to study and do well in school.
Long-term effects:
- Chronic mental health issues. As a result of the mental abuse, a person suffers a host of problems that may affect him or her for the rest of his or her life, including chronic depression, anxiety disorders, and PTSD.
- Relationship Problems. Mentally abused children grow up and find it hard to build healthy relationships and sustain one, in adulthood. Therefore, they may have trust issues, may have problems communicating their feelings, and may be emotionally isolated.
- Low self-worth. The effects of a broken self-esteem are, therefore, likely to be and indeed are known to carry over into adulthood when the child turns into an adult whereby he or she continues to feel inadequate, doubts himself or herself, and feels worthless.
How to know if your parents are mentally abusing you?
It is not easy for victims of mental abuse from parents to identify as it is often in disguise of discipline or care. Here are some questions to ask yourself if you suspect you are being mentally abused:
- Have you or anyone you know had thoughts like ‘They don’t care about me’, ‘It’s my fault’, ‘I have no value, or ‘No one loves me’ because of something your parents did?
- Do you find that your partner is chronically negative in how they speak to you? Do they belittle you, publicly shame you, or speak to you in a demeaning manner?
- If you ever meet your parents, are you scared as to how they will accept you or the things they will say to you?
- Are your parents interfering and overprotective to the level that they determine most of the choices you make in life?
If you have answered ‘yes’ to several of the following questions, it is quite probable that you are a victim of mental abuse by your parents. Such awareness is one way of beginning the journey towards looking for assistance and changing one’s circumstances.
What to do if your parents are mentally abusing you?
In case you have a notion that you are being mentally abused by your parents, you must safeguard yourself. Here are some strategies to consider:
- Talk to a trusted adult. There should be an adult you can talk to. They can be a teacher, school counselor, or a family friend, and tell them what has been going on. They can be relied upon to assist and help in steering you toward the next course of action.
- Seek professional help. Mentally abused people need to be involved with a therapist or counselor. They will help them express how they feel or what they have gone through. They also assist in coming up with ways in which the emotional trauma that is a result of the abuse can be tackled.
- Document the abuse. The use of an incident report of the experiences that cause you to feel hurt, scared, or anxious. This documentation could be useful if one has to go outside in search of assistance or perhaps when one decides to stand up to one parent or the other.
- Establish boundaries. It’s advisable to have a word with your parents if you can manage to do so and come to an understanding of how many hours you will spend with them. Make it clear to them what antics are uncalled for and attempt to dissociate your heart from their destructive actions.
- Connect with support groups. Self-help organizations that include online or face-to-face groups are helpful for people who have experienced abusive parents. These groups can also provide useful tips and company. Besides a friend can provide the emotional support that is needed.
How should mentally abusive parents see parental controls?
Child restraints are options that are available to the parents to govern the extent to which the children can use the internet and various gadgets. However, in the hands of mentally abusive parents, these tools can be used to inflict more abuse on the child and to further reign in their movements and actions.
Mostly, using parental controls. Mentally abusive parents may limit or encroach on the child’s privacy, and limit their freedom by tracking their every move. So, such use can cause a feeling of confinement and will, in turn, reduce a child’s self-directedness and level of trust.
Still, when employed sensibly, parental controls are a constituent of a safe upbringing. It enables the regulation of children’s interactions with technology without violating their entitlements or eradicating their autonomy. A good and moderative option in most scenarios is FlashGet Kids. It is a parental control app that, besides the safety of children, has many features that help avoid crossing certain limits in the digital world. For example, FlashGet Kids allows parents to:
- Set appropriate boundaries. Parents can restrict the amount of time the child spends online. And parents can set up keyword detection that is not suitable for them to view the internet unrestricted within certain parameters.
- Encourage healthy digital habits. In terms of managing appropriate exposure to the digital world, FlashGet Kids is effective in limiting access to certain apps and social media.
- Respect privacy. Unlike some applications of like nature that enable the parent to have direct access to monitor the child’s activities, FlashGet Kids respects the child’s privacy to ensure that the parent is not overbearing.
