Helicopter parents may play a significant role in a child’s development, confidence levels, and independence. There are not many factors that can affect how a child develops and gains confidence as much as their parenting style. Some parents get involved in all aspects of their child to such a degree that it has an effect on independence and the ability to make decisions. This guide covers all aspects of helicopter parents and offers practical advice for families who want to find balance.
What is helicopter parenting?
Helicopter parenting is a type where parents are overly involved in their kids’ lives. Parents adopt various methods and rules to manage their kids’ decisions, activities, and social interactions. It must also be said that there are people who view this type of parent as over the top. They view it as being too involved and not giving the child liberty to be independent in certain aspects of life.
There are real-life examples to help you get a clear picture of what helicopter parenting is:
- A parent who always checks and rewrites their kids’ homework to guarantee good grades.
- Parents schedule and attend all their kids’ extracurricular activities.
- Helicopter guardians may get involved in college applications and decide which institutions to apply to. They also intervene in essays for their kids.
Where helicopter parenting came from
Dr. Haim Ginott, a well-known educator and psychologist, coined the term helicopter parenting in the early 1990s. He introduced the parenting idea that parents should get involved in their children’s lives all around.
But when Dr. Haim came up with this parenting idea, not many picked up on it until the late 20th and early 21st centuries. The main goal was to apply academic pressure and increase focus on kids’ safety.
There are also different types of parenting; some are still toxic:
- Authoritative parenting: This type of parenting is based on setting clear rules and promoting self-discipline among children.
- Tiger parenting: This style of parenting emphasizes strict guidelines and focuses on achieving high academic standards, often accompanied by intense pressure.
- Permissive parenting: It’s one of the most lenient forms of parenting. However, it can lead to poor self-discipline.
What is the difference between tiger parents and helicopter parents?
When you take a closer look at tiger and helicopter parents, one thing that always stands out is strictness. But there are differences that make them all unique in their own way.
When looking at helicopter parents, you can notice that they take active roles in their kids’ lives. They take this active role in their homework, extending to how and with whom they socialize. They’re often overprotective and aim to protect their kids from getting hurt. When you look at it closely, they mean well, but it can also lead to kids becoming overly dependent on them.
On the other hand, tiger parents are goal-focused and apply pressure. They expect their kids to be the best versions of themselves and have strict guidelines. Their main push is for kids to achieve great goals and they put them under pressure until they do so.
Raising confident children with open minds and the help of a smart parenting tool.
What are the symptoms of a helicopter parent?
It’s about time to learn what really constitutes helicopter parents and what factors lead to kids being overdependent on their parents. Check these symptoms:
- Excessive monitoring: If there’s one thing that helicopter parents can’t stop doing, it’s intruding into every aspect of their kids’ lives. They make sure they check their grades, homework, daily routine, and even relationships.
- Over-intervening decisions: Helicopter parents have this obsession with always being involved and want to stay on top of it. They feel like they have to control every decision; any decision that doesn’t run through them is an automatic failure.
- High expectations for children: Such parents worry that one slip or setback will harm their child’s future in some way and will therefore micromanage situations in order to prevent failures. This fear teaches children anxiety about performing under conditions that are impossible, rather than learning from failures.
- Difficulty letting go: While children grow into adolescents and young adults, helicopter parents struggle to let go. They may demand control over educational choices, vocational choices, or personal decisions throughout college or early adulthood, thereby hindering the child’s development of confidence and autonomy.
Why do some people become helicopter parents?
There are several factors that contribute to someone becoming a helicopter parent. It doesn’t just come out of nowhere; it’s a product of recurring events. Some of the reasons run deep through their interactions in society.
Fear of uncertainty and safety concerns
With heightened awareness about the potential dangers facing children, many parents opt for a more controlling approach out of fear. News about kidnappings, school shootings, cyberbullying, and online predators may make parents feel as though the world is an increasingly unsafe place for their children. This fear can lead to an overwhelming urge to control every aspect of their child’s life, often leading to behaviors associated with helicopter parenting.
Pressure and competition
When some people consider how life has become increasingly competitive, stress can lead them to become helicopter parents who have set impossibly high standards. The pressure to be perfect, raising “successful,” “happy,” and “well-adjusted” children, can be overwhelming. This can pressure them to adopt an overbearing style to show they’re doing everything right.
Fear of failure
Generally, no parent wants to see their kids fail in life. For helicopter parents, this feeling is greater based on things that have shaped their lives. They have obviously experienced the pressure and probably seen people fail, which has made them alert. That explains why they are so strict and involved in their kids’ lives.
Cultural and community expectations
The society from which parents come might shape their views on parenting. If they come from a society where educational success and moral values are highly applauded, then they will be strict. Social media and cultural expectations often impose unrealistic standards on parents. Parents who feel the weight of these expectations may resort to controlling behaviors in an effort to meet these standards.
Impacts from their own childhood
For some parents, their own childhood experiences shape their parenting style. Parents who may have felt neglected, unsupported, or misunderstood as children might not know the right way to support their own children. They may overcompensate to ensure their child never experiences what they did, which can lead to the other side associated with helicopter parenting.
Many people wondered, “Do helicopter parents love their children?” There is no 100% correct answer. But most actions of monitoring and involvement are part of their way to show love, even if they are extreme. When you understand them more, you’ll notice their actions are driven by fear, concern, and the desire to protect.
How does helicopter parenting impact kids and adults?
Helicopter parenting often comes from a place of concern, but it can have a negative impact on kids. For this, we have to look at it from the kids ‘ view and how it impacts them going forward.
Reduced independence
Most children who have undergone helicopter parenting lack independence in their actions and thought processes. Their parents always do everything for them, so they lack personal will and initiative. That is to say that even as they grow older, they will struggle since they will always be looking for someone to hold their hand.
Low self-esteem
When kids cannot tackle certain problems on their own, it becomes a huge concern in the future. They will not have the self-esteem to tackle massive problems when they’re alone. That means they’ll be low on confidence, which might affect their output.
Increased stress and anxiety
Helicopter parenting sometimes makes kids anxious and stressed. The reason this happens a lot is that they don’t want to disappoint their parents. Such parents have high expectations for their kids and this might cause a lot of issues later on. It means kids live worrying about what happens when they make mistakes.
Impaired social skills
One thing that helicopter parents do endlessly is deciding who their kids associate with. They also determine which activities their kids take part in, which might affect their social skills. This stops kids from interacting and connecting with their peers and learning from them.
How to transition from helicopter parenting to balanced parenting?
Strict parenting is not all that bad if it’s balanced and reasonable. To achieve this, there have to be slight changes in how such parents manage and communicate with their kids. When these changes are implemented well, then balanced parenting is achievable.
Recognizing the signs of helicopter parenting in yourself
Reflect on how much you control what your kid does and look at whether your intervention is even required in the first place.
Encourage independence and resilience in children
Reduce how much your kids depend on you. They should take on responsibility and make their own decisions to develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Even if not every decision they make is correct or effective, children need to experience failure and setbacks.
Build trust and open communication
When kids don’t feel judged for their decisions, they make brave choices. Show patience and tolerance, build trust with your child, and take time to listen to any concerns they might have.
Use monitoring tools to know what kids are up to
Freedom does not mean indulging. As kids face more online perils than ever, one of the effective ways to guard, but without controlling them excessively, is through parental control tools.
One recommendation is FlashGet Kids. It provides a screen time feature to help manage how long kids spend on their devices. It also has usage reports to know the activities kids do on their devices. The screen mirroring feature also helps parents see through their kids’ devices and know what they’re doing.
Expert help for promoting healthy child development
When you look at what PLOS Medicine is saying, parental intervention enhances the learning and conduct of kids. And that there should be effectiveness in responsive caregiving. CDC also suggests that giving kids a chance to explore, but using moderate rules, can help their development.
How to deal with helicopter parents: tips for children and young adults
From all we have seen, you can see why some kids have a tough time dealing with helicopter parents. But now it’s time to see how kids can manage such parents.
Set and maintain firm boundaries
As hard as it might sound, you need to specify your boundaries and needs. Approach your parents politely and express how you feel about the whole situation. Let them know the type of things that you would like to do independently and why. The hardest part is sticking to your rules and principles, even when faced with your parents’ questioning.
Initiate independence and self-advocacy
Promote self-discipline and manage things by yourself. Focus on improving your own abilities in various aspects, whether in the academy or life skills. Ensure your assignments and other duties are done before your parents ask you for them. This will give them confidence to trust you to live an independent life.
Overcome guilt, stress, and anxiety
There is no guarantee that you will not feel anxious or stressed, but you can try to manage your feelings. Use options like self-care and mindfulness to help you manage the situation.
Bottomline
Parental role and duty require a lot, but we should not promote overdependence like we’ve seen with helicopter parents. Even with care, boundaries and trust should be in place to let your kids take on certain tasks by themselves. You can also use parental control tools like FlashGet Kids that do not infringe on kids’ personal space. With this, you can monitor them without causing a lot of trouble.
