Grooming has many definitions. In colloquial terms, to groom is to do personal care, such as brushing your hair or washing. However, the negative meaning of grooming is manipulative acts that are aimed at the exploitation and abuse of people, most often children or other vulnerable individuals. Children all over the world go through some sort of online sexual exploitation annually, having exceeded 300 million in statistics. NSPCC reported a stunning rise in online grooming due to the social media boom over the years. In 2023/24 alone, there were more than 7,000 offences of sexual communication with a child recorded in the UK, an 89 percent rise since 2017. Parents should be aware of what constitutes grooming to safeguard their kids.
What is grooming?
Grooming may imply different things. The first grooming definition is associated with taking care of oneself, especially one’s appearance. This article, however, analyzes grooming as manipulation. Grooming in this context implies establishing trust explicitly with a child or vulnerable individual to exploit, then abuse, or control that individual.
What is a groomer? A groomer is a criminal who engages in grooming and targets vulnerable people. Grooming behavior is observed in individuals of questionable mental health. Grooming is manipulative in nature and is done slowly and with strategy. Gradually, the groomers win the trust of their victims. This makes their intentions difficult to catch. Groomers desire the opportunity of being left alone with the child, either to exploit sexually, financially, or emotionally. Grooming can be carried out against both children and adults.
It can happen to anyone. Most often, targets are children, teens, and vulnerable adults. The perpetrators appear likeable and amiable people. Their activities are incorporated in the regular contacts, and they are hard to detect. Groomers can either be an unknown person or they might be a friend, family member, coach, or someone the child may have met online.
In 2023, there were more than 115 thousand instances of child sexual abuse in the UK recorded by UK police, in most of which grooming was involved. Estimates suggest that online exploitation affects over 300 million children globally each year. Common as it is, sometimes people wonder, “Are there any groomers near me?”
Common stages of the grooming process
Knowledge of grooming can assist adults in identifying and stopping the crime. Groomers use staged tactics to break down a child’s defenses and gain control.
1. Victim profiling
Groomers usually choose kids who are looking lonely, uncertain, or seeking attention. There is a possibility of having low self-esteem or difficulty making friends among such individuals. Some kids just want praise, confidence, or presents.
2. Access and trust
The groomer may talk to the child in the real world or over the internet. Groomers may befriend the child’s family or join social groups to get closer. Groomers build rapport using gifts, attention, and fake shared interests. To make the child feel important, they regularly compliment the child or share a secret with them.
3. Identifying weakness
The offenders seek to identify the lapses that the child has in their life, be it emotional, financial, or social. They can provide financial means, purchase gifts, or simply listen to the issues. Children who feel unheard at home may see the groomer as someone who truly listens.
4. Isolation
The groomer tries to alienate the child with their friends or family. They manipulate with lies and can claim that adults will not put up with their friendship. Children can be convinced to be left alone with the perpetrator.
5. Sexualization and abuse
The abuser may cross the line with intrusive remarks or by exposing children to adult content. This can be in the form of showing sexual pictures, or intentionally touching, or chatting about sex. In the end, the predator uses the trust to get sex or money.
Prevention starts with knowledge. Protect your child from risks with an extra reliable tool.
Types of manipulative grooming
Criminals will adjust their pattern to achieve their goals, and target the weak points of their victims.
Sexual grooming
Groomers use sexual grooming to prepare children for abuse. Criminals systematically break down the defenses of the child. They experiment with touching, engage in explicit sex talk, or use sexual images. Groomers tell victims to keep everything secret.
Emotional grooming
Some abusers only want to play with the emotions of their victims. They can shame someone into submission, convince them that they will be losing love or affections, or they can directly gaslight them. The groomer takes a central position as an emotional support, which makes the victim more dependent.
Physical grooming
In this form of grooming, the perpetrator of abuse has physical contact as a means of testing or violating boundaries. It could begin as a provision of a hug, light banter, or a tickling. This progresses to unwanted touching or any other form of abuse.
Blackmail grooming
In this case, the groomer gathers personal, humiliating, or explicit photos or secrets. It is through this information that they threaten or coerce the child. Groomers may force victims to send photos, pay money, or remain silent.
Even worse, grooming can be the process of recruiting young individuals into a criminal gang or an extremist group; this is achieved through the manipulation and cultivation of loyalty. Grooming methods always adjust to the life and weaknesses of the victim. Criminals use any crack they get.
Warning signs of online grooming
Child grooming has become more streamlined and common through the internet. Predators on the internet have the opportunity to hide behind screens and profiles. Look out for these warning signs:
- Increased device usage: All of a sudden, children start spending more time on their devices and social media. When you mention their new online friends, they appear to be secretive or anxious. This is a huge red flag.
- Secrecy: When a child starts hiding their computers and phones and pretends to have nothing to say about their recent activities. This is a cause for concern. They can also open new social media accounts without informing their parents.
- Unaccountable presents or cash: Letting a child receive new clothes, phones, and gadgets without being able to identify the source may indicate grooming.
- Exposure to adult content: If a young child uses sexual terms or mentions adult topics, they may have seen explicit content.
- Mood swings and emotional instability: The victims sometimes feel withdrawn or anxious, or excessively excited when they are online. Abrupt declines in confidence or self-worth are a cause of concern.
- Isolation: When a very social child is now secretive, withdraws himself or herself from family, and appears to have a new special friend on the internet. It may be a sign of grooming.
Effects of grooming on a child
Grooming is scary for a child, and there is a chance that it will leave lasting effects. Here are the short-term and long-term effects that you can expect.
Short-term effects
During the early stages, the child might be:
- Shameful or guilty and falsely taking the blame on themselves.
- Victims often stay silent out of fear they will be punished or not believed.
- Separated from friends and family.
- Lose interest in things that used to bring pleasure.
- Victims may suffer from nightmares, insomnia, or appetite loss.
Victims tend to seal themselves off. Victims may withdraw, lose interest in hobbies, or struggle at school.
Long-term effects
The act of grooming may also lead to extreme mental health problems. One of the examples of the results of failure is:
- Sadness, or depression
- Fear and panic attacks
- Suicide and PTSD
- Countless nightmares and insomnia
- Trust issues
- Problems in forming healthy relationships
- Suicide attempts
- Drug abuse
Victims also feel isolated or damaged and can think that nobody is going to understand them. With untreated effects, these can be spread over several years. Most of the adult survivors remember their abuse even after 10 years, and they sometimes forget to love and trust.
How can parents protect children from online grooming and abuse?
It is highly recommended to start with prevention and early response. Make it a habit to have open conversations with your children on a daily basis. Ask your children to share both their good and bad experiences. Cultivate trust to the point that they realize you are a secure confidant. Here are some key safety strategies to follow.
Digital literacy education and enhancement
Lead children to learn about grooming risks and stranger danger, both in real life and online. It could be a role-play scenario when someone may try to get private information like address and photo, or propose to meet.
Device monitoring
Monitor all the devices connected to the internet. Be familiar with all the applications, platforms, and games played by your child. Have the screens in the family area and not limited to bedrooms. Always configure privacy settings on your child’s social media accounts. View your child’s accounts and survey their friend lists.
Parental control tools
Parents need to monitor and protect their children online. With the help of third-party parental control tools such as FlashGet Kids, parents can:
- Block harmful websites and inappropriate material
- Establish screen time limits
- Block strangers
- Get alerts for any suspicious activity
- Set up geofencing to ensure safety
- Get comprehensive activity reports in real-time
- Track location in real-time
Stay involved in your child’s online life, but also use parental controls for added safety.
Teach children to follow safety habits
- Take heed of the premonitions, no matter how slight.
- Never share their personal information, such as address, school details, or phone numbers, on the internet
- Never share their photo with strangers or new friends
- Always insist on having an adult present when meeting someone in real life
- Report any uncomfortable interactions
What to do to support the child after grooming?
It is devastating for a parent to learn that their child was being groomed. Unfortunate as it may be, you should:
- Keep calm: Do not be angry or blame anyone. A calm reaction would make your child feel secure.
- Show support: Be supportive and make them feel you believe in them.
- Gather evidence: Save messages, photos, or other evidence gathered from the offender. This can assist the authorities.
- Report to police: Report the incident to the police immediately.
- Get professional assistance: Report the incident to the police if needed. Besides, a therapist and a counselor may help them cope with the trauma.
- Follow-up: Maintain follow-up and monitor for future emergencies of distress and provide assurances.
Takeaways
Grooming poses a grave danger to the safety of children and vulnerable individuals. Criminals take strategic moves that are manipulative to win the trust and eventually abuse their victims. Grooming remains difficult to detect early, whether it happens online or in person. It has devastating effects that are not always immediate.
Parents need to be extra careful. It is essential to establish open communication with your kids and educate them about online dangers. Parental control tools such as FlashGet Kids can add an extra layer of security to ensure your child’s safety. Stay vigilant and encourage your children to speak up against any wrongdoings. Being proactive is key to the safety of children.
