Fear-based parenting is a common method worldwide, especially in Asian countries. But if you are a kid living under such parenting or a parent forcing this on your kid, this article is a must-read. In this blog, you will learn how fear-based parenting affects kids, including its pros and cons. Moreover, you will learn what’s better than this method, which can make your kid a better and happier human being.
What is fear-based parenting?
“Fear-based parenting is a method in which parents express their love by strict boundaries & severe punishments.“
Well, the world is a dangerous place with many bad people ( kidnappers, bullies, critics, etc. ). With the rise of the internet, every other site is saturated with adult content or addictive games. So, some parents adopt the fear-based parenting method. Usually, kids are warned that if they break a rule. And strict punishment will await them.
In fear-based parents, parents control their kids by manipulating their emotions, not by giving reasons why it’s bad to do that. Well, it’s not the best parenting style, and it works, but at a great cost.
What are examples of fear-based punishment?
All of us have faced fear-based punishments in our childhood. And it varies from situation to situation, but the most common examples are;
- Being grounded
- Will get beaten ( very common in Asian culture )
- Anger, displeasure, and verbal criticism from parents
- Something taken away like a toy, game, book, diary, food, etc.
- Unrealistic fears, such as if you listen to songs, God will put a melted mirror in your ears.
Why do some parents use fear-based parenting?
The first and foremost factor why parents use fear-based parenting is because fear is the 2nd biggest emotion in humans, after pain. Even most of the wise men sometimes make bad decisions due to fear.
Since children can’t understand reasoning at an early age but know pain, fear has always been and will be a great motivator. When we look at the parents’ perspective, in a manner they are right because they love their children so much and they just want to save their kids from the world’s harm, such as;
- Globally, about 8 million kids go missing every year.
- Nearly 500 children die in road accidents every day.
- Every other page on the internet is filled with adult content.
- In 2021, about 1.91 million children drop out of high school.
- 1/9 girls and 1/20 boys face child sexual abuse before the age of 18.
- Social media addiction causes people-pleasing personalities and affects physical relations
- 60% of kids have possible screen addiction. It can cause problems including insomnia, lack of focus in studies, anger & anxiety, poor health, no social skills, vision problems, loneliness, etc.
- In 2023, a survey proved every 1 out of 100 middle school students had smoked a cigarette in the past 30 days. The situation gets worse in high school, where every 1 out of 10 kids had used an e-cigarette in the past 30 days.
The list goes on and on which parents fear may happen to their kids so they go for Authoratorin ( fear-based ) parenting to save their little rose bude. However, some parents are not good human beings and they just beat their kids for fun.
Positive effects of fear-based parenting
- Kids fear punishment, so they don’t make mistakes.
- Kids don’t show anger, slamming doors, hitting, skipping in study, etc.
- Fear works every time. And parents don’t have to do much. All they need to tell it is prohibited or punishment.
- Kids try to stay away from smoking and other habits ( or at least don’t do it in front of their parents ).
- Kids don’t ask for unreasonable demands like asking for candy in the superstore and causing drama when you say no.
Negative effects of fear-based parenting
Well, it is true, fear-based parenting keeps kids in check but is it really worth it, there are thousands of things going in the kid’s mind every day because of the fear you introduced;
- Kids have fear all the time. Fear can create anxiety and depression that stops them from enjoying life.
- As kids are always busy in fear and anxiety, they don’t work hard for their aims so you can say they don’t get time to think about their life.
- As the parents make every decision, they have bad decision-making skills and low self-esteem, which affects their careers and relationships.
- Kids only fear their parents. They don’t respect or love their parents. This can be seen openly at an old age, when kids become independent and move away.
- Being always anxious and when punished by parents, kids feel they are not loved by anybody and are alone. This may cause some issues. For instance, they have suicidal thoughts or destructive personalities.
- As parents don’t give any reasoning, kids only stay away from bad habits in front of their parents. But they do every bad thing out there, from drinking to smoking to adult-content seeing when parents are away.
- To compensate for anxiety and fear they fall into addiction to social media, gaming, etc.
Kids look for outside love so they trust everybody easily which makes them easy to use by anybody.
How to tell if a child is scared of a parent?
There are many signs which indicate that the kids fear their parents or even hate them at some level, such as;
- Kids don’t get happy with their little achievements.
- Kids don’t go out on trips or outings with their families.
- Don’t talk to their parents in case someone is bullying them.
- When kids and parents don’t hug, talk, or get frank with each other
- Kids hate to go home and spend the most time at their friend’s place.
- Avoid having their parents in public, such as parent-teacher meetings, markets, etc.
- In-home they are very serious and non-talktive. In contrast, outside the home, they are very friendly and frank.
- Hide little matters from their parents because they know their parents will criticize them.
What is the opposite of fear-based parenting?
Authoritative parenting is the opposite of fear-based parenting. It can be defined as;
“In Authoritative parenting, love and reasoning are used to teach kids about boundaries instead of fear & punishment as in fear-based parenting.“
In authoritative parenting, kids should learn logical reasoning. So they avoid bad habits even when they are alone. Plus, as parents spend time with them, they start to respect and love their parents from the heart. This attachment then leads to the sharing of every little life problem, from someone bullying them to choosing their life career.
Last but not least, in authoritative parenting, kids have room to grow, they can make mistakes and learn from them. They have confidence, self-esteem, decision-making skills, happiness, and every other characteristic they need for a successful career and relationships.
What can parents do if they are fear-based parenting?
If you are still led by fear, then there is no worse parent than you because your kids are in anxiety and depression all the time – can you see your kids like this? What’s more, they also hate you, and whatever respect they show you, it’s just fear that will soon go away.
If you can live with these problems, okay, keep on doing fear-based parenting, but if you wanna create something beautiful out of your kids, you must convert to authoritative parenting, which you can start in the following way;
- Don’t just love your kids, show them too. For example, hug them daily, talk to them, play with them, go on family trips, and don’t beat or criticize them.
- Teach them the reason behind boundaries so they don’t hate you and grow originally. It must be important to set basic punishments like not talking to them, taking their stuff away, grounding them, etc.
- Listen to your kids, even when you are right. Be flexible where they are right.
- Give them freedom and trust them so they can develop a sense of responsibility and decision-making.
- Let them decide their career for them and be happy with their every achievement, no matter what they choose in life.
- Support them against society and everybody.
- Teach them life lessons by showing them yourself. For example, you can teach them how to respect others, how lying is not good, and how to stand your ground when you are right, etc.
It is worth noting that this advice is good but they are not near enough to raise a kid because there are thousands of situations which every parent has to face every day. So try to read as many books, listen to biographies, and get tips from social media, and any other source until the day you die.
Is parental controls app counterproductive for parenting?
Well, in Authoritative/love-based parenting, there is freedom, trust, and flexibility, which leaves a lot of space for unchecked mistakes. Kids always make mistakes because their minds and the reality of the world aren’t fully developed. So, it’s best to monitor your kids secretly while giving them freedom. However, the problem here is we can’t be with kids 24/7, but parental control apps like FlashGet Kids can solve it.
Parental control apps are software that can be installed on kids’ phones. And you need to keep an eye on everything from your mobile worldwide. These apps have many features like usage time history, app blocker, location tracker, keyword monitoring, screen time limiter, and much more.
It is worth noting that not all apps have the same features, some have more than others. Moreover, not all parental apps are equal. Some are designed for kids, some for teenagers, and some for both. Fortunately, with FlashGet kids, you can get everything in one place.
